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Re: Nether Wallop

Congratulations are in order now that Nether Wallop has succeeded in breaking a record breaking 100 metres time of 9.4239765 seconds.
Of course, as our Bending Author advises, this was only possible due to the very complex and exacting use of computer modelling techniques.

One suspects that it is the graduates of Nether Wallop that have been behind the recent "Ham causes cancer" and "Candles cause cancer" stories.

Of course, such is the reputation of Nether Wallop that competition is very high amongst applicants who wish to study at Nether Wallop.

The standards expected of candidates for post graduate studies is suggested in a new study into the problem of Zombie outbreaks: "WHEN ZOMBIES ATTACK!: MATHEMATICAL MODELLING OF AN OUTBREAK OF ZOMBIE INFECTION" but it remains to be seen if these uOttowa researchers can truly rise to meet the exacting standards at Nether Wallop.
Nothing shabby about their ability to obtain research grants however, and that is clearly a very necessary skill in today's fraught world of academia.

Their study has been published here on the uOttowa website:
(many thanks to Ozmosis for the link)
I predict that mathematicians of this calibre will be in great demand as the new Obama billions are poured into climate change computer modelling.

Re: Nether Wallop

Press release:
The Centre for Phlogiston Research at the Metropolitan University of Nether Wallop is delighted to announce the appointment of Dr Leslie B. Anne as this year's Harman Prize Research Fellow.

Dr Anne recently completed her thesis on the differential contribution of the genders to man-made global warming at the Centre for Feminist Theory of the University of Nossex, during which time she published the much-cited paper "Why Man-Made Global Warming Really is Man-Made", in the prestigious International Journal of Neurodialectic Geophysiology. We hope Dr Anne will successfully republish the same old tripe in as many guises as possible during her fellowship, to support our bid for a 5* rating in the forthcoming RAE.

The Harman Prize Fellowship is a career-development award providing three years funding to a young researcher who has demonstrated exceptional abilities to publish lots of papers with at least 15 authors, stab their colleagues in the back, steal other people's ideas and engage in the relentless self-promotion that is so essential to a successful modern academic career. Candidates for the award must be no more than 24 years old, have completed their PhD no more than 6 months previously, not be applying or intending to apply for any other postdoctoral positions, and not currently be in receipt of any research award or job offer. In other words, if you've ever set foot outside a university and dared to get some experience of the wider world, sod off.

Under equal opportunities legislation only women are eligible. For health and safety reasons, no actual research may be performed by the succesful candidate.

Re: Nether Wallop

There are still places for some of UNW's 'September Special' study courses - open to all with the price of admission!

"Meteorological Hermeneutics"
"Science and PR"
"Epidemiology for Fun and Profit"
"Applied Theology"
"Chartmanship for the Devious"
"Operant Conditioning - Moulding Your Child's Behaviour Through Guilt and Fear"
"Irreproducible Results"
"Creative Statistics"
"The Fluffy Bits Around the Edges of Clouds"
"Computer Modelling and Horoscopy"